Life and Beyond
April 1
This is from my journal entry on the above date.
I just got back to Kempty... I had checked my email in Rishikesh - Sunil send me an email saying that Sach passed away in a car accident... and sent me a link to the article.
The internet cafe was on the banks of the Ganga. Even though, I'm so far away... it felt right for me... to step into the Ganga and just... remember Sach, and think about him, and send my condolences to his parents, sister, and all of his friends. I stood there with tears.. in the flowing, ice-cold, refreshing water... explaining to a couple folks with me what happenned.. And I just kept staring at the flowing water.
It makes life so frickin' real. I know I'm so far away right now - if I don't TRY to think about it, then.. I would just be going on. BUT, I have been thinking about it - and I keep going back-n-forth - I imagine the car accident; his family - Lilam Auntie, Satish Uncle, Swati; Kev and Sahil; all the family friends; my parents - and just how REAL those feelings are........ and then I look around here, at night I looked up at the stars, and think about how small we each are in this universe - according to time and space.
The Sachin I know... Sach was a great kid... with a quality heart. I don't know if he ever realized the abilities that he had... smart, charismatic, handsome, athletic, friendly, etc.... I never saw him angry... I never saw any animosity or ill will in his heart - ever.
And, man... it just makes life real - all these stupid complexes we have, all this "settling", all this "image" creating - it's nothing... meaningless. Just to be... to have REAL relations and experience real LOVE. To recognize and really follow that inner voice. It's not hard - just imagine... it's your last week of life... what would you be doing?? I know this isn't a practical way to look at it... but, if you're always planning for the future, only living for those couple of moments during the week.... then are you really ever living in the present? Anyways.. this probably isn't the solution to anything - but the idea is to STOP settling - I really like Guri's blog entry on settling (see ajourneytoindia.blogspot.com).
My heart, my mind, my thoughts... everything is with all of sach's family and friends.
May all beings be free.
May all be full of happiness and good will.
May all be full of peace and harmony.
May all be full of love and compassion.
May I be able to share any happiness I have within me with those around me.
May all beings be happy, and
May we all realize the Unity.
(end of diary entry)
This is from my journal entry on the above date.
I just got back to Kempty... I had checked my email in Rishikesh - Sunil send me an email saying that Sach passed away in a car accident... and sent me a link to the article.
The internet cafe was on the banks of the Ganga. Even though, I'm so far away... it felt right for me... to step into the Ganga and just... remember Sach, and think about him, and send my condolences to his parents, sister, and all of his friends. I stood there with tears.. in the flowing, ice-cold, refreshing water... explaining to a couple folks with me what happenned.. And I just kept staring at the flowing water.
It makes life so frickin' real. I know I'm so far away right now - if I don't TRY to think about it, then.. I would just be going on. BUT, I have been thinking about it - and I keep going back-n-forth - I imagine the car accident; his family - Lilam Auntie, Satish Uncle, Swati; Kev and Sahil; all the family friends; my parents - and just how REAL those feelings are........ and then I look around here, at night I looked up at the stars, and think about how small we each are in this universe - according to time and space.
The Sachin I know... Sach was a great kid... with a quality heart. I don't know if he ever realized the abilities that he had... smart, charismatic, handsome, athletic, friendly, etc.... I never saw him angry... I never saw any animosity or ill will in his heart - ever.
And, man... it just makes life real - all these stupid complexes we have, all this "settling", all this "image" creating - it's nothing... meaningless. Just to be... to have REAL relations and experience real LOVE. To recognize and really follow that inner voice. It's not hard - just imagine... it's your last week of life... what would you be doing?? I know this isn't a practical way to look at it... but, if you're always planning for the future, only living for those couple of moments during the week.... then are you really ever living in the present? Anyways.. this probably isn't the solution to anything - but the idea is to STOP settling - I really like Guri's blog entry on settling (see ajourneytoindia.blogspot.com).
My heart, my mind, my thoughts... everything is with all of sach's family and friends.
May all beings be free.
May all be full of happiness and good will.
May all be full of peace and harmony.
May all be full of love and compassion.
May I be able to share any happiness I have within me with those around me.
May all beings be happy, and
May we all realize the Unity.
(end of diary entry)
posted by Raj Kanani | 9:33 PM
1 Comments:
from an email to my friends out here
...
never thought of sachin the whole trip, until today. all the memories come flowing back. all the good times, the quirks, it really is true what they say: appreciate what you have because you never know when it will be gone.
talked to kev, the kid is crying his eyes out. wish i could give him a hug over the phone, do something from here...
heard that auntie walked to the basketball courts where he always plays on saturday morning...
just remember playing ball with him. who banks a 3-point shot in? i remember him driving baseline and me jumping to block (he could always jump higher than me even though he was my junior. but i had wisdom on my side). i remember him walking into club lush, introducing me to his "good friend". i remember him dressed in a ridiculous potato-looking raas uniform saying "hey sam!" before irvine raas campetition. i remember him with his camp posse, scoping out the scene. i remember him always greeting me with an enthusiastic smile on his face and cheer in his voice. the guy never seemed to be in a bad mood. and now...?
...
wish i could be back home. in some ways i am, in prayer, in remembrance.
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