Phase 3 - Initiative

So... there's this feeling inside me that "Phase 2" of this trip is coming to an end for me.

Phase 1 was the "Exploration Phase"... where we explored different places in India, had varied experiences, began the process of taking a look at ourselves internally -- for me, it actually ended up being exploring ways to explore oneself internally. I realize now... that at that point I was also trying to figure out what do I want to do with my life. Tied in to this question - was... what do I really stand for? There was definitely an inner drive to do what was Right... but I didn't understand what that meant.

Phase 2 was the "Learning, Understanding, and Focusing in" phase. Through my various experiences, and especially through the sharing that I had with many involved with Jeevan Vidya... I've started being able to put together different thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that I've always had... but never been able to connect. Why didn't I have a mobile phone in college? In my two jobs since college, 1 job during college, and 2 jobs in high school.... why did "working" for a company never feel right... yet working for ISU felt SOO right? Why was I attracted to the writings of Gandhi? Why do I value my friends and family so much? Why have I never placed an emphasis on money? Why did I do things that I was ashamed of over the last few years, and keep it all in? Why did I want to be a teacher during high school? Why did I always TRY to routinely meditate or bring "self-control" into my life? What brings continuous happiness.. and why am I in the search for it? How do I fulfill my role as a good friend.. a good family member? Why did I like Vegas so much? Why have I always really been a "searcher" but not really a "doer"?
Basically.. these and many other questions and thoughts... I've started seeing the connections between all these various, seemingly diverging questions.

Phase 3... I believe officially begins at the end of this shivir... and that's the "Taking Initiative" stage. And it's basically going to involve detailed planning of my next steps... which is definitely going to involve me "taking initiative", and DOING something. There are ideas floating around... the most solid one is a "Indo-Youth Camp" for Indian Diaspora college students for next summer. 1-month long camps... Also, planning short term camps and "Gap Year College" with SIDH... Also, figuring out what I'll do when I get back to the States - visit the Krishnamurit School in Cali... and the school in Mt. Madonna. Visit "Amit" for www.indiaresource.org in Berkeley.. he's mainly involved with the movement against Coca-Cola, and see what can be done. Start a program with a group of youngsters.. kids.... mentoring program that includes hiking, camping, discussions, etc.. but focused on dancing. But, basically... for now, I feel ready... whatever understanding I think I have of what is Right... what IS... it's time to put it to the test. I'm feeling good... I'm feeling confident... (and I'm feeling tired.. time to go to bed)

The JV shivir starts day after tomorrow... but, lot of people are starting to come in tomorrow. Sampat had told me that he was coming in tomorrow evening.. and I was excited because I thought we would have one chill night to talk, catch-up, etc. Actually.. he was mistaken... his train cmes in the day-after-tomorrow since he booked the SLOWEST train on the planet... and again, will miss the first day of the shivir. Haha... Sampat.. don't worry Bay Area.. you're getting the same guy back. (Unless I can convince him to stay in India longer!!! Forgive me, Rekha Auntie...)